What I see…

First of all let me say am not a blogger, am not even a writer, I just want to write about someone, and yes this is about love and all the extras that go along with it.
You see people can live normal lives after a break-up but I find that challenging. Her native name translation “God is with me”, you see I have never really believed so much in the interpretation of names like I believed in hers. When we started our little love affair things happened so fast and so good too that we never ever thought in our wildest imaginations that we would be apart. We took risks together and smiled when facing the consequences if it ever turned bad, our combination could not be toppled by any other pair. We were like the Mr. And Mrs. Smith of our time #badass. We even came up with our own slogan “that’s how we roll”, we saw possibilities even when people saw nothing. She was my best friend and I was her real “hommie”, we hid nothing from each other no matter how bad it was. We were unstoppable.
I would love to say that we lived happily ever after but like they say “you know how much you can take when the storm comes” and so was our story. Things started changing, I was out of control like I owned her life and so I said whatever I liked to her forgetting that words are like bullets, when you squeeze the trigger it can never be taken back and that was my first curse. I got angry when all she needed was just a hug and someone to tell her “boo all will be fine” I was loosing her slowly. Did she have her faults? Yes she did, but since am writing about her I choose to glorify her. But in all these situations I never ever thought it would end because I could not picture myself doing much without her though I didn’t show it much. Now things moved from bad to worse, so at that point we both re-dedicated our lives back to God and she needed somebody to talk to about issues troubling her and that was the beginning of the end. And then it happened! We separated I thought I could take it like a man but I was made of wool for this kind of stuff, I sucked it right in. I could not act normal any more, I lost my sanity and in a desperate attempt to save what I thought would last forever I told her friends what had happened but what I didn’t tell them was how I abused her both emotionally and verbally up to the point she sought for solace somewhere else. It was so bad that she had to get a revelation that she should call it quit for us to work on ourselves, even the heavens didn’t approve of my behaviour. So this was the beginning of my transformation, I tried to get her back to no avail, even with my tears wetting her clothes it didn’t happen. Friends judged her but thought they were trying, thanks to them all the same. Life was hell on earth for me. I had medical complications, insomnia, no appetite, depression just to mention a few. She wasn’t finding it easy too, whenever I saw her it was obvious she had cried the night before with swollen eyes as proofs, she was looking dejected though she tried to hide all behind a smile and a cheerful character. I on the other hand was just a big cry baby, she did better than I did. Anyway she was happy with someone else and that ate me up. Anytime I saw their conversations on twitter I got chest pains, Yes! I was a bitch like that. I stalked her tweets and tried to act right around her though she obviously knew it was all a mirage. Then I decided to face God squarely and I talked to someone who told me what to do. After that exercise I became better, I discovered all my mood swings had gone, no more depression, in short, I was happy again and I could actually talk to her without doing something stupid. I discovered that all the girl is asking for is for someone to say “let me help you, not because I want you to say thank you or I have missed you or I love you Ehis but because I want to really help you”. Almost all her friends at the moment have somebody special in their lives. Can’t she get someone too? She can, but at this time she needs a break to love herself more. She really wants to put herself out there and enjoy life and don’t have to answer to any man.
Me? Am just a big old cry baby with little sense. I know what she wants at the moment I just wrote everything myself but you see am a pest, I tell her I love her almost everytime we chat and scare with words like ” you know you are my wife?” this is a girl you manhandled just a day after your convocation, you embarrassed publicly and you expect her to just say “I love you too boo” yes I know the word to use, a “MORONE”. But the funny thing is I might still do it again and freak her out and choke her with my love messages. Maybe because am scared of loosing her or because of what I have seen on my own in my own personal time praying. Above all these things I would really want her to be happy that’s what I want. Let her see that she is a queen, a rare gem. She knows all these things, nobody will convince her better than she can.
I had to save the main aim for this blog until now. You see after everything I have written, I have prayed and I have sought for counsel the truth is I screwed up in the first place, if I had done my duty properly it would have been a different story but I have no regrets, what I have learnt in this short time is worth 10years work in my life. Love was the only thing that could take me away from my crazy life, it was my only hope in humanity but in the end I was crushed by it. So what will happen now? As at the time of this writing am at crossroads, it might change later but that’s how I feel. I might continue to do what I do or adopt a new method I dunno, I might never see her again I dunno, I might never get the chance to tell her I love her to her face and how beautiful she is and how strong I think she is or how much I loved it when she cut her hair short just because I loved longer hair, I should have said all these things but I was too stupid to know how much they meant to her, I might not get to tell her she has a very good figure. Above all I might not get to see her smile with delight and spark my world. I don’t know what will happen, am just writing to say if you are out there and you are in a good relationship, don’t toy with it for no reason, hand it to God like your life depends on it and care for each other like it was the last thing you will ever do. Tell each other how amazing they are and how much progress you have had with them being around. Don’t joke, don’t mess it up. God won’t come from heaven to give you your dream partner he stopped doing that with Adam and Eve. If you mess things up and you go your separate ways just know that you just tore away a crucial page in the scheme of things for your life. So don’t be surprised when you hear them say” maybe you should look for someone better” and you know fully well she/he was the best. Sure! no regrets, but don’t live through life with so many scars because of things you could have changed.
I may not be her man never again, this might even freak her out the more but if you are reading this, whoever you are, where ever you are and you know a girl called Cecilia Chinonyerem Olayinka please help me tell her “Ehis loves you”

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from him to me

Young man, how far? It’s been a while. I have really missed you *well plenty homo* I got all the details of everything that happened last year, sorry I wasn’t present. Remember the last time we saw it really didn’t end on a happy note? I apologize for that anyway.
Bro, I heard everything that happened to you last year, I must say there’s a God somewhere who watches over you. I hope you don’t mess up that privilege this time around. Congratulations on your graduation by the way, but I heard it was a narrow escape, I mean, you became an Isrealite “let my people go” that wasn’t good enough. For God sake what ever happened to you? You just drifted away and lost it, why? I know what you can do, I have seen you do it more than once and the best you could pull out from that school was that?! Common man! You know I alone have always believed in you when no one else knew what was happening, so permit me for reacting this way. Thank God you left clean though, no letter of any kind, that’s something to smile about in a way. I just hope you sit up this year.
Another thing that caught my attention was that you were misbehaving up to the extent of keeping malice with some of your coursemates and even your friends, were you high?! What happened to the guy who says “never let another mans coffin rest on your conscience”? Or “never let your grudge be your judge”? You lost it there bro, that was so childish and uncalled for. No matter how much people offend you letting them be is the greatest peace you can give yourself, not because they deserve it but because you do. You know all these things, how you didn’t apply them is still a wonder to me. Well, good thing you got your head in the right place at the right time if not it would have been a colossal damage to your person. Thank God you passed that phase in good time.
Now! This was the one that made me feel sad the most. I heard about the breakup. I’m very sorry about that. I wish I were around to help you through it. I heard you cried your eyes sore. I also heard you begged her kneeling down. Then again you went and disgraced yourself in your chapel. I thought we had settled this issue of you childish aggressions? Okay now tell me, did it bring her back? You just made a big fool of yourself period. Yes, you were hurt, heartbroken. Bro, you have to understand that it’s a phase of life. Don’t act like it’s going to last for ever. That’s like taking permanent decisions for temporary situations. You used to call them “temporary necessities”. I was touched when I read the blog you did for her. I mean, love brought out the Shakespeare in you LOL! Look, don’t stress yourself again, if it’s meant to be then somehow you will both be together. Yes! you had something special together but wake up man, it’s over. Do me a favor, run hard after excellence and see what you will become. Now, let it be known today that the next woman you will kneel down for is your wife when u ask her to marry you or when you want to hear the sound of your child kicking in her womb. I believe so much in you bro.
Finally, I know you have had your NYSC camp experience, and you have been taken to your PPA. Thank God for favor and grace. This year has just started bro and it’s like a new start for you again. Please don’t mess it up. I know you have learnt from your mistakes, you will be a fool to allow any of them repeat themselves. Friends? If they are not heading in the same direction as you, cut them off with no remorse. Act with speed and precision but as subtle as possible. Never look down on people or hate anybody for any reason, it’s not worth it. Please I don’t need any of your attention, I bring enough of that on my own. Love God, love your family, be loyal, and respect people. Like you told me once “I trust people I don’t just trust the devil in them” please it applies in real life. Be careful, don’t be caught off-guard. Run after your ambitions this year. I so much believe in you bro, I know we got this. Hope to see you soon bro, until then, easy man. Happy birthday Ehis.
From Ehis.

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